On the Road Again

I'm almost there. The Finish Line of this quarter is in sight. I am looking forward to the end with anticipation. I’ve really enjoyed this class. I think it has opened my eyes to a lot of things about teaching and developing a learning community. One of the struggles I have is that I want to take this information back to my community and use it, there’s so many ways I can see that I could put this learning into practice, but seminary is like taking a hiatus from my real life, and while I’m good at adapting to new places and changes (I moved 23 times before I was 20), I don’t necessarily like being away from my community. My roommates here are awesome and we definitely have community, but I wonder if I’ll remember the inspiration I’ve gotten and what I’ve learned once I bring this information back to my “other” life. In looking at my world in that other place through the lens of our curriculum project, I am wondering how to retain the things I’m learning so that they will be useful to me in my future ministry.

I definitely needed to be physically removed from my life in Orange County to expand my thinking about what God’s kingdom looks like. This relocation has also changed my personal walk with God by being in the northwest Pasadena culture. I love walking places and the lack of emphasis on achieving the “American Dream”; which in Orange County looks like working hard in business all week, driving the latest Mercedes on lease, partying at Bandera on Friday nights and going to Laguna Beach every weekend. There is something about living for one’s own self-interest that is very real in Orange County. Even the Christians try to make it look like it’s in God’s interest that they’re living high on the hog (i.e. I’m building this custom McMansion to use as a ministry “place” for people to come and play Halo). I’ve really been challenged this year that living for Jesus is downward mobility, as Henry Nouwen says.

This is something strange for me about this learning community called Fuller. While in seminary, it seems impossible for me to remain substantially involved in the ministries that I care about and yet that’s what I’m training for. So how do I keep safe this knowledge and this whole learning transformation so that I don’t lose it when I return to my ministry later? Will those opportunities even still be there for me when I return? Or is this seminary process supposed to expand my mind so that I will want to minister in different ways and places? Or is it just that this learning process will change me and then I’ll be able to live and teach differently? I find as this quarter closes I have so many questions still unanswered. Some of my questions are about teaching and curriculum, and forming a learning community, but a lot more are about the seminary process. What does it do? Is it working? I know for sure I’m supposed to be here, even though it’s something that women in my church don’t do, or men really for that matter. But I’m questioning whether it’s supposed to change me or change my mind, or both. I don’t have a lot of answers, but one thing I have noticed is that in many ways I’m still the same person at the core. I still have my story and my identity intact in the ways that God says matter. Overall, as I think about the process of being “prepared for the manifold ministries of Christ and His church” I’ve really come to appreciate how He’s made me and to find ways to appreciate the story I’ve been given and the journey I’ve been on.